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Past the desire to live with your parents

I love my parents, as I'm sure 98% of the population do. But they do irritate the hell out of me a lot of the time, and most of the time a valid reason is hard to come across. While the beginning of most parent/child arguments are considered the result of puberty and growing up, I now realise that this continues into adulthood especially under the same roof.


I share very similar charastictics to my parents; confident, strong-willed, stubborn, moody and witty, a combination which can either result in the most wonderful atmosphere or the worst, there is no between. A common denominator of our arguments is the topic of age and respect. When you reach a certain age, I noticed that the label of being an 'adult' to me, meant I didn't want to be viewed as anyone child. This therefore has led to circumstances where I no longer want to be asked or feel 'made' to do a task, or asked what time I'll be home. 'Adult' in my opinion coincides with 'independance', 'freedom' and the ability to say no. Of course there are certain elements of a parent/child relationship that are natural and traditions within your own family that are consistent at any age. Yet, on the other hand, growing older brings different opinions, routines and ideas from those that raised you, which can be challenging at the best of times.

I believe part of my desire to now move away and begin university is exaggerated by my experience of living alone and travelling in Australia for 7 months. While I've never been nervous or conscious of leaving home before, this challenge was a more significant change to my traditional lifestyle of being home with my parents. Due to this I have truly experienced was it is like to be a true adult, not answering to anyone on you're daily routine. Consequently it becomes difficult readjusting to your old life and being the 'child' of the family again, as it is no loner your domain, home and belongings you are relying on. When you're freedom is stripped away you notice and this, alongside the constant desire to be 'grown up', correlates into arguments and frustration.

I have spoken to a few people in reference to this, both parents and their children who share this common situation of feeling 'misplaced' and past the relationship of living together. The parents that I've spoken to express that it is equally as strange and alien having to adjust with one of their children back living with them. Many of my university friends feel as though their home holds a 'hotel' atmosphere as they are constantly in and out as expected.

Difficultly however, many children tend to view the lack of affection or homeliness as a sign of being unwanted there. I've had friends complain that they no longer feel like part of the group in their house, but simply visitors. I myself, found it strange that my parents seem to now view me as an adult, and completely treat me one. However, when you reach a certain point of fending for yourself, it seems reasonable that your parents do feel this way. Imagine another woman or man (who take up a lot of space) barging in on your home after you've been without them for a year.

While I am defiantly ready to leave home and make a space for myself, I realise it can be difficult when you come home to an old routine that you no longer share. But in 40 years time, you're children will be wishing the exact same thing. It's an inevitable generational problem.


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