This month has been a hectic one. I've been on more trains than I can count and there has been so many new developments in my life I'm beginning to forget what day it is. I can't complain though and I expect no sympathy as all these 'hectic' happenings have been wonderful ones; I've been signed by another modelling agency (details to come on Instagram), I've been working on numerous media assignments (all now complete), I met all the team from FoodTribe who I'm now writing content for etc etc etc...
As many of you are probably aware, universities across the UK on are strike and this means I'm currently at home, thinking of how I can get ahead with my future university work, planning photoshoots and organising my planner for Christmas in order to make sure I'm not double booked! But this week is possibly bringing the realisation that actually I need to address other aspects of my whirlwind life. I recently attended our annual Cricket Dinner with people and family friends whom I only see sporadically, meaning the usual catch up is required. Being the youngest there, I tend to receive many questions and this time was no different. As my parents were proudly telling all I had been up to, the response seemed to always go something like this:
"That's amazing, I can't believe you're working for the Top Gear gang! I've seen your Instagram as well, you're going to make waves in modelling I'm sure! University as well, my God! I guess they all marry well together for your career, but can I ask, how on earth do you have time to do all this or anything else?"
That question has a lot of weight and I think many people who aspire to be something great in their field of interest have been asked this on numerous occasions, but this time I actually tried to answer it:
"I don't know, to be honest with you."
Since this unsatisfactory reply I've been pondering why I have an ability to take a break and how this has affected me in the past like many others.
This week I've made myself do less. I've still been writing for FT, keeping Instagram active and doing my reading; yet I've also been watching a lot of TV, playing stupid games and sometimes not leaving my PJ's all day...and I feel more successful after a rest.
I've realised that this obsession with work and success has even infiltrated my personal life. This month I went back to needing someone from my past, from my travels and someone I thought was done. Sitting here now I understand that from a lack from mental exhaustion and a lack of intimacy that you can't find in friends, my mind tried reaching out.
I'm actually feeling excited about my future again, looking for houses in Melbourne, planning my assignments and saying yes to more shoots!
You know you need a break when you're not excited about things you used to smile about.